The thought of bedtime can be scary. Not because of the monsters under the beds, but because of the monster like thoughts lurking inside my head. There are some nights I absolutely dread bedtime. I'll work until I can't keep my eyes open just so I don't have to suffer through not being able to fall asleep. There are some nights I keep Netflix on and fall asleep with a show in the background so I can avoid my own thoughts.
It's scary. Alone in the darkness with nothing, but your anxious thoughts taunting you like ghosts, letting you know that you will be an exhausted, anxious mess tomorrow too. It's a cycle that stays on repeat for me. One sleepless night leads to an unproductive day, the unproductive day leads to a stressful sleepless night, and it continues. Even though most nights I can't wait to climb into my cozy bed....the act of falling asleep is daunting.
It's 11:58pm and I've tried to fall asleep multiple times, but can't seem to shut off my thoughts. So here I sit typing away on my computer and I will continue to work until I hopefully doze off. Maybe I'll sleep through the night? Maybe my sleep will be disrupted by nightmares and thoughts? My eyes may shut and my head may hit the keyboard for a few hours, but I know my 8am Monday morning alarm will rudely awaken me much too soon.
If you're reading this right now you might be suffering from anxious bedtime monsters too. You are not alone! Here's to another week of anxious thoughts, fighting on, and staying strong. You are wonderful, powerful, and your feelings are valid.