10:49 am: An Anxious Mind

mental health blog

Does anyone else ever have those days where the world just throws too much at you and you want to curl up in bed and cry? I’ve had a few of them recently. Days where the anxiety takes over me and I enter shutdown mode. I can’t think. I can’t be present. I can’t be productive. But I can physically feel the anxiety weighing down on me. Our little puppy dog has been sick for about a month and with multiple vet visits, waking up in the night with him, and having to take days off work to sit at the vet only to receive no answers….I’ve been struggling. I’ve fallen behind on work. I’m a sleep deprived mess. AND I haven’t been practicing adequate self care.

The other night our puppy, Jimmie, woke up with a coughing fit. I got up with him to pet him, get him some water, and try to calm him down. As he was struggling, I went into anxiety shutdown mode. I wanted to be present and be there to calm him down, but instead I was stuck in a place where all I could do was collapse and cry. Too many sleepless nights. Too many unanswered questions. Too tired from physically feeling pain when I see him suffering for so long. Too exhausted from not knowing what to do to ease his pain. And when I finally come out of shutdown mode….then I enter into a self-loathing state where I beat myself up for not being present during someone else’s struggle, not being able to help calm my puppy, for being selfish and getting caught up in my own anxious mind, and for not doing more.

During the day it’s a constant exhaustion. Not the kind that can be fixed with coffee. It’s like living in a blur. I can’t focus. I can’t create. I can’t find inspiration. I can’t get anything done. And I continue beat myself up for not being productive. It’s an endless cycle. I put my anxious struggles into words, not for sympathy, but to share that struggling is real. And it’s okay. We are human. There are going to be hard days, weeks…or even months, but you’re not struggling alone. Just a friendly reminder.

 

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