I'm sitting in bed exhausted, unable to fall asleep. My chest feels like it could collapse and tears are slowly streaming down my face. I looked at a calendar yesterday and a heaviness came over me. Eight days until a new semester.The thought of walking into class makes me want to hurl.
You're going to fail. You're not good enough. You're dumb.
Deep down, I know I am SO much more than those negative thoughts. I am smart. I am capable. I am creative. Unfortunately for me school is a trigger. Having to sit in a classroom everyday is REALLY hard. I don't learn well sitting in class. I learn best from experiencing different situations and learning how the skills I'm learning are applicable. I constantly zone out and go into creative Emily world or anxious Emily world. Tests give me anxiety and I constantly feel like I should be doing school work. The excessive amount of work assigned haunts me. Guilt rushes over me when I ignore my school work and do activities that make me happy. There's really no escape.
My mom keeps telling me to enjoy the eight days I have left. If only I could, but knowing I have to go back is like a dark cloud hanging over my head, following me everywhere. I wish there was an off switch, but it's not that easy.
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